Thursday, March 26, 2009

Renewed Ambition - For Kaitlyn

I can't really pinpoint the moment it happened, or even how. I don't know if something drained it out of me, or perhaps I just became completely comfortable in my complacency. I personally believe it was the moment that I thought Christ was going to lead me in a way that meant I wouldn't have to exert any effort in order to live this one brief life extraordinarily. Somehow along the way my dreams took a back seat and instead I settled into a warm and secure environment. One that no longer challenged me mentally and spiritually. I do not know the moment the dreams I chased, and the ambition to win that game of tag, vanished.

No, I'm not 100% sure why this happened, but I do know that the moment I turned over what I thought I should do and traded it for what God wanted me to do, a revolution in which the ambition I had once lost, returned.

What do you do with this renewed ambition? You exert as much energy into it that you possibly can, leaping obstacles, jumping fences, and persisting on fire with the passion that gets you to your destination. There isn't anyone pushing you now, it's just you and the choice between laziness and a dream.

It's your dream; chase it.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A complete loss of direction. I am completely ashamed to say that I have absolutely no focus, no idea, no inkling as to what I should be doing with my life. I feel as though I am in high school again, being asked what I want to be when "i grow up." Surprise! I'm there. I'll turn twenty-two in a little over three months, and I have absolutely no clue what I want to do with my life. I will be graduating from college with what seems like an absolutely pointless degree, which I have no intention of using. You see, i've spent so much time learning about the different characteristics of the human brain and personality, that i've begun to lose sight of the multifaceted kaleidescope that is the individual.

That's just the thing, too. It's like in American society, your career is the sum total of your being, when in reality, your personality, your life, isn't made up of the quirks and attributes that psychology labels you with, or your 9-5 vocation. No, you are your experiences, good or bad, and the people that have made the most influential impact on your life.

Experiences that range from your first crush to your first kiss, your wedding day, to the day that your spouse passes. The ice cream sandwich that you looked forward to from the ice cream truck, to the day you looked in the mirror and decided to cut back on the sugar for a while.
The people: Your mom, your dad, whether they were there or not. Your siblings, or lack thereof. The cleaning lady, to the vacuum salesman that knocked on your door. Each of these people, though their influence on your life ranges from significant to a once in your lifetime meeting; even the people we'll never be privelaged enough to meet. These experiences and people are what make up your life.

Not your job. Not a label that someone might give you.