I stumbled accross an old song yesterday. It was a song I used to sing for our church's worship team. I remember standing in front of the congregation, ready to pee my pants because i was so nervous, and singing the lovely melody, not because I believed in the words, or because the song had made an impact on my life, but because the song fell within my vocal range.
It wasn't until I was a freshman in high school that this song had taken on new meaning. A time when I felt completely alone, afraid, and just plain lost in a place I knew I was supposed to be, but a place in which I knew no one.
Without you, the emptiness inside of me,
It echoes, with all my longings deep
I call out, that I might hear a sound, your voice
A whisper, to flood my void with peace
Hear my desperation, see my brokenness
Reaching out for mercy, gasping for your breath
You are all I need, Your truth unlocks my chains and makes me free
Your light of mercy lets me see, that since the cross, I never have to be
It's amazing that at that point in my life, I was ready to have Christ fill that void. I was ready for the emptiness to be filled with peace. I wanted God to see my brokenness, and putting the puny pieces together to fasten me into someone He wanted, not someone I was trying so desperately to be. I called out to Him, and He returned to me a passionate desire for His will, His way, a life so full of Him, that I would be overflowing with His Word. I was ready for whatever it was that He wanted me to do, wanted me to say, wanted me to be.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot that it was all about Him, and not about what I wanted to do, wanted to say, what I wanted to be. Somewhere along the way, I became thoroughly unprepared for what He wanted, and decided that what I wanted was better, easier, more attractive.
Someone recently told me that whatever vocation, whatever path I chose, I would only be able to influence those who were willing to be influenced, those who were ready. How often do we throw away precious information that is given to us because we're just not ready for the truth? It is my belief that this time that has passed in which God wasn't my sole desire, was a time in which I was not ready. I wasn't ready for what He wanted.
Often we pray that God will open our hearts and minds whenever we pray, or hear someone speak on the Word, and yet, how often do we truly do that? How often are we ready to fully commit our hearts to the Lord? How often are we willing to admit that Without Him, we are so empty, so lost, so hopeless.
It is my prayer that I would stay ready, ready to hear His Word, ready to hear His voice spoken to me as a whisper in the roughest of storms. Without Him, this world is just not worth it. It is my hope and prayer that you would be ready, that you would be willing to say that "Without You God, it just isn't worth it. Fill me, help me to overflow with your Word, your Way, fill me with You!"
Are you ready?